Happy Summer!
Today, one of my little girls was so distressed after falling on the playground and breaking her headband (you know, those hard plastic kind you used to wear to hold your hair back?)... Anyway, she was crying and overall just melting down. I asked her, "sweetie, why are you so sad about your headband?" She replied, "It costs a lot of money and my mommy is going to be really mad at me!" I told her that I would talk to her mommy, explain the accident and that I'm sure she would understand. Well, let me tell you, 1st grade little girls are drama queens! The rest of the afternoon she moped and exhaled and was torturing herself over this silly broken headband! I talked to her about it again, reassuring her that her mommy would never be mad at such a thing! She reached up, pulled me close and said, "Thank you, Ms. R. I can always count on you!" And with the biggest smile, she skipped away.
I read a devotional today on how we allow circumstances to dictate so much of our emotions for our day. When, what we should do, is keep our eyes on our Master...He is always there, comforting, providing, encouraging, guiding and dealing. All this so we don't have to. Just like little N can "count on me" to handle her "problem", to reassure her, to protect her...I need to look no further than up. So today was just a nice little reminder that I can "count on Him"--no matter how big or small the drama is for the day!
So, Mother's Day has come and gone. I spent the day on the beach - alone. As I was basking in the sun, several deep thoughts about the day left me pondering...
My mother is so blessed. She is lucky to have 3 daughters, all who love Jesus and have turned out fairly normal-and I use this term loosely! We adore her and hope our lives glorify Jesus Christ everyday. What a blessing and a testament to how she raised her daughters. I hope I've shown her how happy I am that God gave her to me. Although it was a rough start for this middle child! Two and 1/2 months early and just 2.5 lbs.... what a surprise in the early 70's! I lived the first 2 months of my life in a hospital with virtually nothing wrong w/ me besides my small size. I was confusing, a miracle indeed, and left everyone scratching their heads even then! Haha. ( I have magazine pictures to prove it!) Anyway....my mother never believed for one minute that I wouldn't grow to be healthy and strong. She knew God had great things planned for my life and has told me this so many times as we retell the story. I am so thankful for this.
I, too, believe our Lord has great things planned for me. I often tell people how I know I was put on this Earth to be a mommy one day. I can feel it in my bones. As I sat on a deserted beach, I revisited a favorite chapter in a book I love. In this book, Disciplines of a Godly Woman, the author tells us that some women are given the gift of singleness, so that their other gifts can be used more abundantly for the Kingdom of God. I'll be honest, I have a hard time with this "gift". Of course, I want to do whatever it is that He leads me to do, but at the same time, shouldn't I get to be a mommy too? One friend in bible study asked me "what if you've been given the 'singleness gift' only to fulfill your need of motherhood through teaching?" That one was hard, too. What if? What if I don't accept it as fulfillment? Of course, I LOVE, love, love my children. They are mine for 8 hours and are treated as such. I am thankful, too. BUT...this 'biological clock' (always hated that term) is ticking, and very loudly I must admit!! I find myself jealously admiring those who have a baby...often.
Whether I had become a mom to a precious blonde haired 8 year old who steals my heart with every smile, or I'm given the honor of having a baby, or my gift is that of singleness, I am restless. I am praying for Him to provide peace, understanding, clarity and thankfulness with whatever my life holds. If you are lucky enough to have been given the gift of motherhood, don't allow it go a day without praising Him for it!
I love you, Mom. Thank you.
So, it's May. I've posted on how tired and completely frazzled I feel. The kids are real troopers, although at one point today their crazy teacher actually said, "Are you kidding me???? Seriously!! Sit down and just be still, for ONE SECOND!" That would be me, "crazy teacher", losing it for a brief moment. I'm not proud.
I know I say it a lot, but our God amazes me at how He knows exactly what I need-exactly when I need it!! I just love how He thinks! I was at my Grandmother's Saturday night, visiting with her and my mother and my aunt before my parents left for Hawaii- - yes, Hawaii. (sigh-wishing...) Anyway...my aunt asks me how I was feeling, saying I looked incredibly tired and just "worn out"... not my "usual self" (not sure how to take that one... oh well, hehe) I told her that yes, I am tired, amongst several other things. Tired of lots of tired little 6-7 year olds (being honest here), tired of a constant wave of uncontrollable emotions, tired of feeling just plain 'ole defeated most days. All of the sudden, I had erupted in tired tears at my Gran-Gran's house!!! My sweet Aunt C said, "I know just what you need. Why don't you go down to the beach for a good long weekend?" I looked at her, thinking "we have just a couple weeks of school, so much to do, so much to do, so much going on..." Then, my tired self just said, "Ok." Totally without planning anything. (so "unlike me" not to plan...)
So, those who know me, know I could move to the beach today and never look back. So, I'm leaving my kiddos Friday through Monday and I'm taking my tired self down to the most heavenly place on Earth-by-my-self! (we are so very blessed to have a new condo in the family!!) And if you're thinking, it's Mother's Day-you're not visiting your Mother??!!! Well, my beautiful mother will be spending her day on a beautiful Hawaiian beach, so she's taken care of!! Check. :)
So as I told a few friends today about my little getaway, assuring them it would clear my head and refresh my perspective, I got strange looks of "craziness". I couldn't tell if they were confused by me going alone or pondering a stay in the local psych ward for me... I think it's a positively GREAT idea! What better place to spend some one on one time in the Word, talking to God and standing in awe at the feet of His beautiful creation? Packing list: Bible, swimsuit (ugh) and sunglasses! Oh, and maybe a new Nicholas Sparks novel...Yippee!
I'm not crazy. I would say quite smart, right????
