Unattached to Dignity

So, I love my work. In fact, it's not work to me at all. I believe teaching children is my spiritual gift from Him. Of course, I don't love everything that comes with the "job"...but really, who does??

Anyway, working in a school also means working with women...lots of them. It can be the best and the worst thing-even on the same day. The climate changes by the minute. Being a teacher, often times, means being in the spotlight and under a microscope. Someone always checking on you, what you are doing and how you are doing it. For those who truly "do" their job, this does not phase you.

Then there are others. You know, those who just "get by". Those who take and take and take from everyone else until it drives you crazy! These people, strangely enough, are also the ones who boast constantly and take credit for work undone-and are quick to tell you what you "should have/ought to have done" to be more like "them". I can't say that when the reflective notes come around, I am not slightly mystified/bothered/angry by the adoration given to "some" (those mentioned above). But, this type issue happens no matter where you work, right??? Surely.

I read a perfect devotion that is helping me...even today. It asks 'why are we so concerned about the impression we make on others? And why are we so convinced that a vigorous defense of our rights/deeds makes a better impression than our humility? Jesus makes it clear-Honor comes to those who do not strive for it.'
(The One Year -At His Feet Devotional)

We don't need to respond to evil with evil. We don't need to assert ourselves to be valued. Evil does not know how to disturb a truly peaceful heart. So, when I am offended, I am going to pray that my response would be a display of the character of God, rather than men. That my outward actions and emotions show that my worth is in the Kingdom, not on anything here on earth.

So, I pray, I become less and less attached to dignity and more focused on doing my job-or whatever else is happening. That no person on this earth disturbs my peaceful heart.

A special day!

Today is a celebration of J! It's his birthday and I want him to know how special he is. He's changed my life, for sure. This man has a heart as big as he is. He's the kind of father every child should have. He's a man who loves God and works hard to glorify His Kingdom each and every day.

I am so proud of him and what he does every day. He is truly an inspiration to me. He makes me a better person. And, I love him.

Happy Birthday!

I'm BACK!

This one's for you , A! Thanks for the interest in my lil' old life and most importantly, your friendship!

I love blogging. It just seemed our Savior changed everything in my life, literally, and turned me completely around on May 26. I often felt blogging was my 'therapy'. Then, as I felt Him giving me better direction, clarification, guidance, understanding and peace, I no longer felt the need to 'vent'.

But I do miss this. So now, instead of venting, this is where I will journal. My life, my family, my dreams, my fears, my triumphs and all that He is doing my life. Hopefully interesting to some. Definitely easy reading, for sure! :)

Thanks again, A. Here we go!

End of a year...

So, year #10 is officially over. And what a year it's been! These precious souls have captured my heart. I love each one so much. Here's to you my little ones! I miss you already...

And when all is packed away and the last of goodbyes is done...

it's time to go home.

Happy Summer!

The Sweetest Thing...

Today, one of my little girls was so distressed after falling on the playground and breaking her headband (you know, those hard plastic kind you used to wear to hold your hair back?)... Anyway, she was crying and overall just melting down. I asked her, "sweetie, why are you so sad about your headband?" She replied, "It costs a lot of money and my mommy is going to be really mad at me!" I told her that I would talk to her mommy, explain the accident and that I'm sure she would understand. Well, let me tell you, 1st grade little girls are drama queens! The rest of the afternoon she moped and exhaled and was torturing herself over this silly broken headband! I talked to her about it again, reassuring her that her mommy would never be mad at such a thing! She reached up, pulled me close and said, "Thank you, Ms. R. I can always count on you!" And with the biggest smile, she skipped away.

I read a devotional today on how we allow circumstances to dictate so much of our emotions for our day. When, what we should do, is keep our eyes on our Master...He is always there, comforting, providing, encouraging, guiding and dealing. All this so we don't have to. Just like little N can "count on me" to handle her "problem", to reassure her, to protect her...I need to look no further than up. So today was just a nice little reminder that I can "count on Him"--no matter how big or small the drama is for the day!

Motherhood

So, Mother's Day has come and gone. I spent the day on the beach - alone. As I was basking in the sun, several deep thoughts about the day left me pondering...

My mother is so blessed. She is lucky to have 3 daughters, all who love Jesus and have turned out fairly normal-and I use this term loosely! We adore her and hope our lives glorify Jesus Christ everyday. What a blessing and a testament to how she raised her daughters. I hope I've shown her how happy I am that God gave her to me. Although it was a rough start for this middle child! Two and 1/2 months early and just 2.5 lbs.... what a surprise in the early 70's! I lived the first 2 months of my life in a hospital with virtually nothing wrong w/ me besides my small size. I was confusing, a miracle indeed, and left everyone scratching their heads even then! Haha. ( I have magazine pictures to prove it!) Anyway....my mother never believed for one minute that I wouldn't grow to be healthy and strong. She knew God had great things planned for my life and has told me this so many times as we retell the story. I am so thankful for this.

I, too, believe our Lord has great things planned for me. I often tell people how I know I was put on this Earth to be a mommy one day. I can feel it in my bones. As I sat on a deserted beach, I revisited a favorite chapter in a book I love. In this book, Disciplines of a Godly Woman, the author tells us that some women are given the gift of singleness, so that their other gifts can be used more abundantly for the Kingdom of God. I'll be honest, I have a hard time with this "gift". Of course, I want to do whatever it is that He leads me to do, but at the same time, shouldn't I get to be a mommy too? One friend in bible study asked me "what if you've been given the 'singleness gift' only to fulfill your need of motherhood through teaching?" That one was hard, too. What if? What if I don't accept it as fulfillment? Of course, I LOVE, love, love my children. They are mine for 8 hours and are treated as such. I am thankful, too. BUT...this 'biological clock' (always hated that term) is ticking, and very loudly I must admit!! I find myself jealously admiring those who have a baby...often.

Whether I had become a mom to a precious blonde haired 8 year old who steals my heart with every smile, or I'm given the honor of having a baby, or my gift is that of singleness, I am restless. I am praying for Him to provide peace, understanding, clarity and thankfulness with whatever my life holds. If you are lucky enough to have been given the gift of motherhood, don't allow it go a day without praising Him for it!

I love you, Mom. Thank you.

Two Beautiful Girls

Nothing much to say...just love this picture of my girls!

Am I Crazy?

So, it's May. I've posted on how tired and completely frazzled I feel. The kids are real troopers, although at one point today their crazy teacher actually said, "Are you kidding me???? Seriously!! Sit down and just be still, for ONE SECOND!" That would be me, "crazy teacher", losing it for a brief moment. I'm not proud.

I know I say it a lot, but our God amazes me at how He knows exactly what I need-exactly when I need it!! I just love how He thinks! I was at my Grandmother's Saturday night, visiting with her and my mother and my aunt before my parents left for Hawaii- - yes, Hawaii. (sigh-wishing...) Anyway...my aunt asks me how I was feeling, saying I looked incredibly tired and just "worn out"... not my "usual self" (not sure how to take that one... oh well, hehe) I told her that yes, I am tired, amongst several other things. Tired of lots of tired little 6-7 year olds (being honest here), tired of a constant wave of uncontrollable emotions, tired of feeling just plain 'ole defeated most days. All of the sudden, I had erupted in tired tears at my Gran-Gran's house!!! My sweet Aunt C said, "I know just what you need. Why don't you go down to the beach for a good long weekend?" I looked at her, thinking "we have just a couple weeks of school, so much to do, so much to do, so much going on..." Then, my tired self just said, "Ok." Totally without planning anything. (so "unlike me" not to plan...)

So, those who know me, know I could move to the beach today and never look back. So, I'm leaving my kiddos Friday through Monday and I'm taking my tired self down to the most heavenly place on Earth-by-my-self! (we are so very blessed to have a new condo in the family!!) And if you're thinking, it's Mother's Day-you're not visiting your Mother??!!! Well, my beautiful mother will be spending her day on a beautiful Hawaiian beach, so she's taken care of!! Check. :)

So as I told a few friends today about my little getaway, assuring them it would clear my head and refresh my perspective, I got strange looks of "craziness". I couldn't tell if they were confused by me going alone or pondering a stay in the local psych ward for me... I think it's a positively GREAT idea! What better place to spend some one on one time in the Word, talking to God and standing in awe at the feet of His beautiful creation? Packing list: Bible, swimsuit (ugh) and sunglasses! Oh, and maybe a new Nicholas Sparks novel...Yippee!

I'm not crazy. I would say quite smart, right????

J's Baptism

Sunday was an indescribable day. Words cannot even begin to describe what we feel, but I will try. It was very emotional as we, the entire congregation, stood holding hands, lights dimmed and choir turned toward our little man, we wept. Sweet J was overcome with emotion, too. He cried and smiled the happiest smile. My brother-in-law, who baptized his son, along with their Pastor, asked our little J if he believed that Jesus Christ, our Father, died and rose again for us-to save us all and give us new life in Him. His sweet little answer: "yes". I'll let the pictures say the rest...

My nephew, G, reached up at one point and tugged on my shirt sleeve, with the sweetest voice you've ever heard, he said: "Aunt C, I'm pwoud of my bwother" I am proud, too.

The Challenge...

Well, you can guess by the picture who lost...

This was after a LOT of "clean-up", too! The pie was everywhere, in my eyes, my nose, everywhere! One of my little girls got the honor of throwing. After she missed the first time (and I may have dodged a little), she picked up what was left from the ground and proceeded to smear it everywhere she could-mostly my legs and feet! The shower caps were very helpful! It was a fun day. Next Friday: Field Day! And guess who's going to be in the dunking booth...

Thoughts

So this post is about me, haha, thinking out loud, really. Debriefing. Venting. Talking it out... I do this often with my best friend Brandi, do you? You all need a "Brandi" in your lives....we literally "think" so alike, it's often mind-boggling. And we love to "debrief" after any encounter or event!

Today was special person/grandparent's day/book fair/art show at the school where I teach. Whew. What a crazy, busy day. We had people all over the place, probably 600 visitors. Not to mention spring fever is abound in every child-and teacher! Almost all my kids had someone special to visit. For those who didn't, I was honored to be their "someone special" and sit at a little lunch table and chat with them.

Through the in-and-out of my, literally, revolving classroom door, I had 3 special "visitors" myself. (Here's where the "me" part comes in) The first was him (see previous posts...). I was amazingly calm. I am proud of myself!! We chatted just briefly and he spoke to some of my kids. It was nice and not overwhelming. He looked nice. (ugh) Then, his dad and his dad's wife came later. I was so happy to see these two people. I love them dearly! I was greeted with great big bear hugs!! They are two of the most down to earth, kind, loving, generous and funny people that I know. And, I miss them. They miss me, too...their words exactly. Whoa-again. (bonus pts. for asking me if I'd lost weight and telling me I looked so pretty!) I was blown away and overcome with sadness that I don't get to see them really, ever. I am so thankful that they choose to love me, still, no matter the circumstances. They are family to me, period. I will do anything for the all the children in that family. I love them all - with all my heart. And, I want the best for his son-always. And, will continue to work hard to make sure he gets the best of everything as long as I can... That precious little soul deserves the world!

Then, they all left, and I, well, wiped away a few tears...hopefully for the last time...

I miss them.

Funny little people

A conversation with one of my 6 year-olds today...

C-Ummmm, can I borrow the computer?
Me- Sure, what do you want to do?
C-I need to find a costume for a birthday party.
Me-Oh, you're going to a dress-up birthday party?
C-Yeah, my mommy hasn't bought me a costume yet!
Me-Maybe she's really busy.
C-Yeah, I can't get to the mall, it's like a mile away! I gotta buy one!
Me-Well, how do we do that?
C- (giggles) You know....you google it!
Me-Oh yeah, then what?
C-Then the brown twuck man brings it to my house.
Me-Well, how do we pay for it?
C-(giggles) You don't pay silly! That's why we use the computer! Everything's free on the computer, my mommy shops there all the time!
Me-Well then, let's GOOGLE!!!!!

I live for these little conversations! I wonder what I'll learn tomorrow...

More...

During the past few weeks, it seems everything I'm involved in, be it family, work or otherwise is requiring more... more of me, my time, and my efforts. Don't get me wrong, busy is good, right? I just seem to have a more difficult time handling-juggling than others right now. It surprises me every time I feel overwhelmed because I juggle and handle about 300 things/people/surprises/jobs a day at my work-and I've always considered myself a "pro" at it!

I've been studying about finding and receiving more of His Spirit. This study was a good reminder for me at this very moment of craziness! It's not me who's the "pro" at all, ever! It's Him, our God who handles it all. As believers, He comes into our lives infinitly and personally. But as believers, it is also our duty to continually ask for His help. We are nothing on our own. I find myself often praying specifically for a problem or issue. And, of course, He wants to invade that part of our lives and take over-He wants the control and for us to hand it over! But, He is also telling us to ask for His Holy Spirit to flood our lives. He is how we understand God's will for our lives. So, if He is not just there in times of trouble or need, His impact elsewhere and everywhere else in our lives is immeasurable! All we have to do is ask. He is in the business of "handling". Thank you Lord! What a relief!

John 14:26 says: "The counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send you in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you."

Dear Lord Jesus, help me during my juggling acts, and let me remember: I need Your specific help! And, I ask you to fill me with more of Your Holy Spirit, that it may manifest itself in every part of my life!

Psalm 29:11 "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace."

Disney!

Ok, I know I am so very late posting these! But since I have over 200 pictures from our trip, here a just a few of my favorites!



I'm organizing an online album with the rest and I'll post that soon!

Growing...

Our sweet baby Addie is growing. She has accomplished so much in 1 year. And we are so thankful. Her beautiful big sister A had some concerning muscle developmental delays very early. It was so hard to watch her want to do so many things that she couldn't. She wasn't able to crawl, pull up, raise-up in her crib or climb. God is so very faithful, though. We put all our fears in Him and He healed our little angel. With intensive therapy, she is a "normal" 3 year old who can do just about anything she sets her mind to.

Baby Addie is showing us something new every day! She is moving right along and getting anywhere she wants to go. We'll be running after her soon!