Happy Summer!
Today, one of my little girls was so distressed after falling on the playground and breaking her headband (you know, those hard plastic kind you used to wear to hold your hair back?)... Anyway, she was crying and overall just melting down. I asked her, "sweetie, why are you so sad about your headband?" She replied, "It costs a lot of money and my mommy is going to be really mad at me!" I told her that I would talk to her mommy, explain the accident and that I'm sure she would understand. Well, let me tell you, 1st grade little girls are drama queens! The rest of the afternoon she moped and exhaled and was torturing herself over this silly broken headband! I talked to her about it again, reassuring her that her mommy would never be mad at such a thing! She reached up, pulled me close and said, "Thank you, Ms. R. I can always count on you!" And with the biggest smile, she skipped away.
I read a devotional today on how we allow circumstances to dictate so much of our emotions for our day. When, what we should do, is keep our eyes on our Master...He is always there, comforting, providing, encouraging, guiding and dealing. All this so we don't have to. Just like little N can "count on me" to handle her "problem", to reassure her, to protect her...I need to look no further than up. So today was just a nice little reminder that I can "count on Him"--no matter how big or small the drama is for the day!
So, Mother's Day has come and gone. I spent the day on the beach - alone. As I was basking in the sun, several deep thoughts about the day left me pondering...
My mother is so blessed. She is lucky to have 3 daughters, all who love Jesus and have turned out fairly normal-and I use this term loosely! We adore her and hope our lives glorify Jesus Christ everyday. What a blessing and a testament to how she raised her daughters. I hope I've shown her how happy I am that God gave her to me. Although it was a rough start for this middle child! Two and 1/2 months early and just 2.5 lbs.... what a surprise in the early 70's! I lived the first 2 months of my life in a hospital with virtually nothing wrong w/ me besides my small size. I was confusing, a miracle indeed, and left everyone scratching their heads even then! Haha. ( I have magazine pictures to prove it!) Anyway....my mother never believed for one minute that I wouldn't grow to be healthy and strong. She knew God had great things planned for my life and has told me this so many times as we retell the story. I am so thankful for this.
I, too, believe our Lord has great things planned for me. I often tell people how I know I was put on this Earth to be a mommy one day. I can feel it in my bones. As I sat on a deserted beach, I revisited a favorite chapter in a book I love. In this book, Disciplines of a Godly Woman, the author tells us that some women are given the gift of singleness, so that their other gifts can be used more abundantly for the Kingdom of God. I'll be honest, I have a hard time with this "gift". Of course, I want to do whatever it is that He leads me to do, but at the same time, shouldn't I get to be a mommy too? One friend in bible study asked me "what if you've been given the 'singleness gift' only to fulfill your need of motherhood through teaching?" That one was hard, too. What if? What if I don't accept it as fulfillment? Of course, I LOVE, love, love my children. They are mine for 8 hours and are treated as such. I am thankful, too. BUT...this 'biological clock' (always hated that term) is ticking, and very loudly I must admit!! I find myself jealously admiring those who have a baby...often.
Whether I had become a mom to a precious blonde haired 8 year old who steals my heart with every smile, or I'm given the honor of having a baby, or my gift is that of singleness, I am restless. I am praying for Him to provide peace, understanding, clarity and thankfulness with whatever my life holds. If you are lucky enough to have been given the gift of motherhood, don't allow it go a day without praising Him for it!
I love you, Mom. Thank you.
So, it's May. I've posted on how tired and completely frazzled I feel. The kids are real troopers, although at one point today their crazy teacher actually said, "Are you kidding me???? Seriously!! Sit down and just be still, for ONE SECOND!" That would be me, "crazy teacher", losing it for a brief moment. I'm not proud.
I know I say it a lot, but our God amazes me at how He knows exactly what I need-exactly when I need it!! I just love how He thinks! I was at my Grandmother's Saturday night, visiting with her and my mother and my aunt before my parents left for Hawaii- - yes, Hawaii. (sigh-wishing...) Anyway...my aunt asks me how I was feeling, saying I looked incredibly tired and just "worn out"... not my "usual self" (not sure how to take that one... oh well, hehe) I told her that yes, I am tired, amongst several other things. Tired of lots of tired little 6-7 year olds (being honest here), tired of a constant wave of uncontrollable emotions, tired of feeling just plain 'ole defeated most days. All of the sudden, I had erupted in tired tears at my Gran-Gran's house!!! My sweet Aunt C said, "I know just what you need. Why don't you go down to the beach for a good long weekend?" I looked at her, thinking "we have just a couple weeks of school, so much to do, so much to do, so much going on..." Then, my tired self just said, "Ok." Totally without planning anything. (so "unlike me" not to plan...)
So, those who know me, know I could move to the beach today and never look back. So, I'm leaving my kiddos Friday through Monday and I'm taking my tired self down to the most heavenly place on Earth-by-my-self! (we are so very blessed to have a new condo in the family!!) And if you're thinking, it's Mother's Day-you're not visiting your Mother??!!! Well, my beautiful mother will be spending her day on a beautiful Hawaiian beach, so she's taken care of!! Check. :)
So as I told a few friends today about my little getaway, assuring them it would clear my head and refresh my perspective, I got strange looks of "craziness". I couldn't tell if they were confused by me going alone or pondering a stay in the local psych ward for me... I think it's a positively GREAT idea! What better place to spend some one on one time in the Word, talking to God and standing in awe at the feet of His beautiful creation? Packing list: Bible, swimsuit (ugh) and sunglasses! Oh, and maybe a new Nicholas Sparks novel...Yippee!
I'm not crazy. I would say quite smart, right????
Well, you can guess by the picture who lost...
This was after a LOT of "clean-up", too! The pie was everywhere, in my eyes, my nose, everywhere! One of my little girls got the honor of throwing. After she missed the first time (and I may have dodged a little), she picked up what was left from the ground and proceeded to smear it everywhere she could-mostly my legs and feet! The shower caps were very helpful! It was a fun day. Next Friday: Field Day! And guess who's going to be in the dunking booth...
So this post is about me, haha, thinking out loud, really. Debriefing. Venting. Talking it out... I do this often with my best friend Brandi, do you? You all need a "Brandi" in your lives....we literally "think" so alike, it's often mind-boggling. And we love to "debrief" after any encounter or event!
Today was special person/grandparent's day/book fair/art show at the school where I teach. Whew. What a crazy, busy day. We had people all over the place, probably 600 visitors. Not to mention spring fever is abound in every child-and teacher! Almost all my kids had someone special to visit. For those who didn't, I was honored to be their "someone special" and sit at a little lunch table and chat with them.
Through the in-and-out of my, literally, revolving classroom door, I had 3 special "visitors" myself. (Here's where the "me" part comes in) The first was him (see previous posts...). I was amazingly calm. I am proud of myself!! We chatted just briefly and he spoke to some of my kids. It was nice and not overwhelming. He looked nice. (ugh) Then, his dad and his dad's wife came later. I was so happy to see these two people. I love them dearly! I was greeted with great big bear hugs!! They are two of the most down to earth, kind, loving, generous and funny people that I know. And, I miss them. They miss me, too...their words exactly. Whoa-again. (bonus pts. for asking me if I'd lost weight and telling me I looked so pretty!) I was blown away and overcome with sadness that I don't get to see them really, ever. I am so thankful that they choose to love me, still, no matter the circumstances. They are family to me, period. I will do anything for the all the children in that family. I love them all - with all my heart. And, I want the best for his son-always. And, will continue to work hard to make sure he gets the best of everything as long as I can... That precious little soul deserves the world!
Then, they all left, and I, well, wiped away a few tears...hopefully for the last time...
I miss them.A conversation with one of my 6 year-olds today...
C-Ummmm, can I borrow the computer?
Me- Sure, what do you want to do?
C-I need to find a costume for a birthday party.
Me-Oh, you're going to a dress-up birthday party?
C-Yeah, my mommy hasn't bought me a costume yet!
Me-Maybe she's really busy.
C-Yeah, I can't get to the mall, it's like a mile away! I gotta buy one!
Me-Well, how do we do that?
C- (giggles) You know....you google it!
Me-Oh yeah, then what?
C-Then the brown twuck man brings it to my house.
Me-Well, how do we pay for it?
C-(giggles) You don't pay silly! That's why we use the computer! Everything's free on the computer, my mommy shops there all the time!
Me-Well then, let's GOOGLE!!!!!
I live for these little conversations! I wonder what I'll learn tomorrow...
During the past few weeks, it seems everything I'm involved in, be it family, work or otherwise is requiring more... more of me, my time, and my efforts. Don't get me wrong, busy is good, right? I just seem to have a more difficult time handling-juggling than others right now. It surprises me every time I feel overwhelmed because I juggle and handle about 300 things/people/surprises/jobs a day at my work-and I've always considered myself a "pro" at it!
I've been studying about finding and receiving more of His Spirit. This study was a good reminder for me at this very moment of craziness! It's not me who's the "pro" at all, ever! It's Him, our God who handles it all. As believers, He comes into our lives infinitly and personally. But as believers, it is also our duty to continually ask for His help. We are nothing on our own. I find myself often praying specifically for a problem or issue. And, of course, He wants to invade that part of our lives and take over-He wants the control and for us to hand it over! But, He is also telling us to ask for His Holy Spirit to flood our lives. He is how we understand God's will for our lives. So, if He is not just there in times of trouble or need, His impact elsewhere and everywhere else in our lives is immeasurable! All we have to do is ask. He is in the business of "handling". Thank you Lord! What a relief!
John 14:26 says: "The counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send you in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you."
Dear Lord Jesus, help me during my juggling acts, and let me remember: I need Your specific help! And, I ask you to fill me with more of Your Holy Spirit, that it may manifest itself in every part of my life!
Psalm 29:11 "The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace."
Ok, I know I am so very late posting these! But since I have over 200 pictures from our trip, here a just a few of my favorites!
I'm organizing an online album with the rest and I'll post that soon!
Our sweet baby Addie is growing. She has accomplished so much in 1 year. And we are so thankful. Her beautiful big sister A had some concerning muscle developmental delays very early. It was so hard to watch her want to do so many things that she couldn't. She wasn't able to crawl, pull up, raise-up in her crib or climb. God is so very faithful, though. We put all our fears in Him and He healed our little angel. With intensive therapy, she is a "normal" 3 year old who can do just about anything she sets her mind to.At the school where I teach, we're having a fundraiser for the American Heart Association. The kids bring .50 to attend a faculty obstacle course challenge. Of course, knowing I can still compete with the best of 'em, I sign up quickly! I soon find out that I'll be competing in the "feather balance". What is this, you ask? Well, I didn't know either. Apparently, the children do this activity in p.e. I will be racing against a fellow teacher and friend, DeDe, while balancing a feather...on...my...nose. Yes, this will certainly be interesting. Being the competitor that I am, I've already wondered if double-sided, clear tape would be seen on my nose....
Anyway, the kids are already literally squealing with the excitement of seeing their teacher race, and it's a week away! They are so cute. What I didn't exactly "sign up" for is this: the loser of each competition (and there are many) is...a pie in the face! Oh what joy! The things I do for my kids....
Win or lose, I'll have pictures, I'm sure!
My nephew J, who is 9 years old, will be baptized Sunday, April 27! He accepted Jesus as his Savior last month and professed his faith to the church! We are overcome with joy and the tears are truly tears of joy! My little man has been such an incredible soldier for the Kingdom his whole little life. We are truly blessed!
God loves you and so do I, my little man, more than words can ever say!
Like all lessons in life, we aren't necessarily meant to understand them. We show God our faithfulness through acknowledgement and obedience. I feel as though I'm facing some sort of test. I've asked friends before if they believe God tests us. The answer is unclear from most. I'm not sure this test is coming from anyone but myself.
I've posted before on a recent "breakup". It has been the most hurtful, almost unbearable experience of my life. He left, this man I knew I would spend my life with, with no real explanation. Well, he has resurfaced. He openly admits he's seeing someone-else. For about a month now, he'll call on my way to work, email throughout the day or text msg. me. Not really wanting anything, just to chat. It is hurtful, to say the very least. My friends here love to tell me "don't answer, don't open the email, change your number" etc. Easier said than done. You see, I WANT to know what he wants, will say. I'm not over him. How can you be when you truly love someone? I was at my breaking point in December when I told him he couldn't call, email me and such anymore. I was at my lowest of lows, picking myself up off the floor-literally. I was abandoned by him and couldn't bear a "friendly" relationship. It just hurt too, too much. He respected my wishes for about 3 1/2 months and now he's started all over. I believe that when you love someone, the world around you kind of fades away...you don't feel the need to talk to other men, especially past relationships, right??? So, I've thought, "well, this new relationship must not be great...if he's calling me...". I can't help but wonder if he's realizing the Godly woman he gave up. It's probably not right, but I'm only human to wonder, right?
So, to the blogger world, my question is this: What do I do? I love this man, I really do, still. But this is not healthy for me and I know it. Why is he doing this to me? I'm working hard on being still. Listening to God. Waiting expectantly on Him to tell me if this man deserves a place in my life and what that place is. I'm asking God what He wants me to do each day. But at the same time, am I showing him a "pushover" (for lack of a better word) side of me? Is this a test of my own will or is God waiting to see how I handle this? So, since I'm still just trying out this blogging thing and I believe only M reads this (I think), any Godly wisdom and advice you have would be great right now...
Am I fragile right now? Yes. Discouraged? No. I know God is walking along side me and He'll be the only one to bring me through this journey.
(By the way, A-Day was today, 80, 000+ in attendance...RTR!)
Do you remember as a child how a Grandmother's love was just about the best there is? Her home was more fun, her food was more delicious and her hugs couldn't be beat. My feelings as an adult remain when it comes to my precious Gran-Gran. She is a true southern belle in every sense of the word and I appreciate her Godly wisdom and ways more now than ever.
We almost lost her Friday night. After a routine surgery, she crashed after being given too much pain medication. She is now off the ventilator and is doing so much better. I have been forced to recall so many memories of her and have enjoyed reliving the best part of my childhood. She has shaped my life in so many ways. Does she know this? I sure hope so, but in case she doesn't, I will tell her today.
Give those you love a big hug and let them know what they mean to you. And, call your Grandmother.
Well, only 18 more "sleeps" until Disney World! We are so excited and the kids can actually picture when this wonderful trip is happening thanks to the "sleeps countdown". I am excited too! We are all big kids when it comes to Walt Disney World and having all 11 of us there makes it a trip worth waiting for. Can't wait for the fun and sharing the memories!
Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for allowing our family such an incredible trip. We give you all the glory for making this happen for us. Continue to keep us healthy and strong and, Lord Jesus, carry us, hold us and guide us in every step that we take and every word that we speak!
Once again, I am truly amazed. I am amazed at how God knows exactly what I need, when I need it. He is so faithful. I am not worthy.
I was, once again, reminded of how someone I love/d has moved on. Without me. It saddens me to a point where now I'm not sure how to feel. It's pointless to still cry. I KNOW God has saved me from a life that is not ordained by Him. This unfortunate life would not glorify His name. It is not His plan for me.
I'm reminded of how in the book of Peter, God tells how His disciples are led to a mountaintop, told to wait, even through a relentless storm. They are afraid. When God appears, they are scared. They are finally led to a safe place, but God does not immediately calm the storm or the waters. Instead, the disciples are shown that through their faithfulness to Him, He will not allow them harm. He will keep them safe and through the struggle, His glory, power and mercy are revealed to them. Now, through this test, they are forever in awe of His power in our lives.
Thank you, my dear friend Michelle. Your kind words of Godly wisdom and your faithfulness to our Lord has given me a breath of fresh air and perspective in this journey. He is all I need.
Dear Father, reveal your Glory, Power, Majesty and Mercy to me! I trust in You and You alone.
Word of God speak, would you fall down like rain, washing my eyes to see, Your majesty. To be still and KNOW, that You're in this place. Please let me stay at rest, in Your Holiness...Word of God speak!
Praising Him in this storm!
I've been faced recently with the harsh reality of letting go of someone I love. Through this process I've learned that to truly let go, you must let God work in you. It came to me, so clearly, as I was literally on the floor. God is building me up, one muscle at a time, to make me more aware of His control, His timing, His strength and His undying love for me. I'm not worthy. I certainly have moments of weakness and doubt, but I do believe in Him and His faithfulness to me. The process is hard. I've questioned so many things about myself and I'm thankful for the struggle.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
James 1:1-3
I've learned that to truly trust God is my way to live life as He intended. I am nothing on my own.
As I've re-entered the life of singleness, once again, I'm faced with a decision. Just as someone shows interest in little 'ole me, it happens to come with the risk of losing a friend and causing someone else pain. The decision is a no-brainer for me. I know that when God hand delivers "the one" it will be just that. The one. No pain, no questioning, easy. He will say to me, "See...this is what I can do. Now it is right."
I'm letting go to Let God...
So, as with most things in my life, this blog was created by trend. My sister's blog became fun reading and a way to keep up with (and see) the lives of my precious nieces. Then, my dearest college friend, of whom I'm so embarrassed to say, I haven't seen in 8 years, shared her site with me. Through M, I found this one, of which I rarely miss a day reading, who shares her incredible stories.
I've been blessed in some way by each of these. I've found encouragement, hope and God's undeniable grace in each of these. Thank you, ladies!
I've decided to take this on as a challenge to myself. To live fully and faithfully to God and allow Him to guide me as I share with you. It may be interesting, it may be boring, but it is my life. If you happen to read about yourself here, consider yourself loved, in some way, by me.
So, here we go...
Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
